Hello Angel,
Kudos and congratulations are due to you for grasping the bull
by the horns. You can tell your husband from me that he should
be very grateful and he should work a lot harder at this.
Angeloftheknight wrote:-
>He wants me to be dominant but wants it done his
>way and if he doesn't like what I say it doesn't happen.
It seems the problem can be summed in saying he is not being the
"knight" in this relationship at all. A "knight" submits to his
lady and does not dictate the terms.
>I had never heard of bdsm or anything else till I met my
>husband. About 18 months ago my husband had a bout of
>depression and came to Me to talk.
He may need to do a lot more talking to determine precisely what
he does want. It may be that he needs to seek help getting over
his depression (and more) with a kink friendly therapist before
he is ready to play politely.
>He explained that although he has a dominant mind his true
>desire was to be a woman, a submissive sissy. He had secretly
>been crossdressing for years to get a sexual kick.
They are three distinctly separate issues. Becoming a woman is
one thing, and it may be a bit late in life for him to consider
truly changing his gender but it's not out of the question.
Being a submissive sissy is quite another thing, which takes a
lot of devotion and obedience - not just submitting to the
things he wants to do.
Crossdressing, just for the kick of it, is quite different
again. If he sees it as a reward then you can let him have
some of this as a treat in the bedroom. Or if he wants to be
humiliated with it you can "force" him to do it and clean house
when the kids are away with grandparents.
>I have had to learn what a sissy, submissive, dominant and
>everything else was to get this far.
And you've done very well. There are a lot more resources for
you on the DOMestic site, and there is much useful stuff by
myself and others on the site that you would do well to read.
Go to the front page of the blog at www.u4ds.com and then scan
down the menu on the right hand side to topics like....
Communication / Introducing Wife to FemDom
Communication / Slave not submissive
Communication / Wife understands
Learning / Training Hubby
One author on the blog you would do well to read more of is
Madamplz. To paraphrase a Madamplz dog training metaphor - it
seems that your doggy thinks he is training you. You need to
change his mind about that!
>Problem 1. My husband will only submit to things he thinks will
>benefit him. It's all about what he can get out of the sexual
>side of things.
Tell him that this is no good to you and that you intend to take
doggy's ball away until he begs for you to play, and will play
your games by your rules.
If you have a password then take a look at the thread "the
skills to become dominant" at:-
http://u4ds.com/2007/10/the_skills_to_become_dominant.shtml
Where Madamplz wrote:-
>"It may very well be that all he really needs are a few well
>placed corrections to lose that aggression. People who bully
>to get what they want respond very well to sharp correction without
>attitude. That can be developed as her awareness of what
>dominance is develops." -snip-
>"When I was actively training animals I noticed that you could
>take a dog with very dominant instincts and teach him to
>accept the trainer as pack leader. It didn't necessarily mean
>that dog wouldn't challenge the pack leader from time to time
>because that's also a part of pecking order survival. But as
>long as pack leader continued to act in the capacity of pack
>leader, those challenges wouldn't go very far. Usually a stern
>word, a leash correction, a refusal to engage, and sometimes
>physically putting the dog down to bare his belly would end
>the challenge.
You need now to develop a plan of action to implement as
described by Madamplz in that thread. So first tell us all on
the blog/list more about what it is that you want to actually
happen. How do you see the relationship working to suit you?
Once we know what it is that you actually want to do, and how
you would like to do it, we can probably tell you how to go
about getting what you want.
Angeloftheknight wrote:-
>Problem 2. I cannot get him to stop downloading sissy pics and
>pictures of sexy looking woman who he alleges he wants to look
>like.
Are you suggesting that you don't believe this and that you
think he's just downloading wanking material?
>Any ideas, advice or tips would be greatly appreciated.
I think that we first need to develop your plan to cure problem
one, and then ordering how he uses the computer in future will
just be a detail which becomes a lot easier.
sincerely, Christine
The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.
http://www.mschristine.com/program.shtml
